That Someone

I've been home and away from the life that I use to live. The life of noise and vibrancy, that were once mine were now gone. I've been gone to a cool countryside where peace and serenity rules over me. I've been gone to the place to think things over and plan better than just do what lies ahead to secure your place in an unsecured world. When I return to the place where I learn to love, I'm now ready to walk the tough road ahead of me. There is something in the place that its hard for me to leave and stay away for so long no matter how difficult the life there is. I've learned to love the place for the kindness it showed me, for the life it provided me and most of all the teachings of living in the cosy and illuminated city.
The one thing that makes me human is my emotion and that the city full of life made me realize that I'm a human with feelings capable of loving and being loved or can be happy or be hurt. Has someone touched my lovestoned heart or let's say make a difference or somehow became my life - the air that I breathe that I would die without. But fate and circumstances has taken it away from me - so cruel that it deprives me of the things necessary for me to be a human to live the life of real world. But somehow God never taken me for granted that it gives me a kind of life that showers me with blessings. Maybe it is just the step by step technique I need to undergo. I must face first the toughness of this complicated world before settling down with being myself a human with a kind, loving but sometimes foolish heart for the rest of my life.
Sometimes I think of a beautiful someone that once knocked on my door and I open it for the person to enter my life, but all of a sudden, it vanished out of my sight without me knowing what had happened or what caused its disappearance. Then I only think that the beautiful person is a ghost that I thought would be mine and became part of me. It is a soul that nourishes my mind and awaken my senses until it bleeds my fragile heart. A spirit that feeds me with a soup to satiate the life to be inspired and keep going. I keep telling myself to move on and never look back, but no matter how hard I try, the more I linger on the past that continue to lacerate my now bleeding heart. Everyday, I continue to lose lots of blood though I'm still alive and in good health. I feel that someone has been a part of me a long way past before that I couldn't live without. I had a frequent bouts of loneliness, sometimes feels like crying and sometimes without me knowing tears run down my face each time I lie down in the stillness of the night or the darkness of a room thinking of that someone. But hope comforts me and wipe my tears of helplessness and despair. Someone won't stop until I'm back in health and strong enough to walk and move. I need someone to pump blood to me to feel great again and to resuscitate air for me to breathe life. Until that day when all has been done, the work has finished, the sun is above my head, I will rest for awhile before settling down to be myself to have a world and a life of my own surrounded by a mutual affection shared with an awesome someone - my soul partner, my world, my life. Someone I feel but go unnoticed, someone that once knocked on my door but suddenly vanished or yet far for my eyes to see. Till then but for now brave the odds and beat the storm.
I believe I already found that someone or just lost it or so I think!

Echoes of the Hearts

Sometimes, we close our eyes and just listen to the echoes of our hearts. We all fall in love and there are times when we love so much that we lose ourselves in our own emotions. More often than not, we wonder why there is love that grows and love that grows cold. We would start to search for answer and try to find where love has gone wrong. However, in the end, we find ourselves where we started for we cannot question love when it has its own reasons. Love will always be as it always has been - silent, mysterious and deeply profound.

Many of us believe that love is forever, that never dies, only to be disillusioned in the end when we find our hands empty and our hearts longing. We mistakenly looked at love as need to be fulfilled. But love is only a gift given to us. We should not hold it in our hands for we may never find the strength to let it go when it decides to leave. We should only embrace its warmth and grow while it last and then freely open our hearts when its time to say GOODBYE.

When we fall in love with someone, we do not want the feeling to end for we believed it is everything. We are everything that we wanted to be. We pray that love will stay and grow in our hearts. But, if it doesn't then, we should never let our lives be taken by it for life should not end where heartaches begin.

There is always a reason why we have to make and decided to move on. When we have to say to goodbye to the feelings we wanted to stay forever but, let us not wave our hands with lonely hearts. For love will have set its wings free and find the place where it belongs. We may have lost it but then again, when we close our eyes and listen to the echoes of our hearts, we will hear that feelings resounding silently forever.

Then, we will know that it has never left us, for good that we had become because of love will always stay. It will always be there reminding us that we should be thankful and happy not because we have lost love, but because once in our lives, that feelings lived in our hearts and make us happy...

Sunrise and Sunset In The Horizon

I'm wounded, bleeding, groping in pain and yet sorrow and grief accompany my injury. I'm like an innocent yearling about to be sheared, to be slaughtered. I'm like a soul floating in the chilly winds of uncharted horizons, like the dust troubling itself in the long winding road. Yet my spirit is being lifted by a pure heavenly soul. I feel like I'm traversing from the blood and tears of the fiery hell to the realms of uncertainty of purgatory to the gates of boundless mercy, affection and happiness of heaven. Paradise and ultimate joy is in sight but still far to come yet I keep on moving, I keep on walking until I reach it and finally come to my final destination where I can see my life, live and spend my life and until my life on earth is over. Life for me is a constant struggle, struggling towards an ultimate goal, despite the hardships and difficulties and most often than not, risk or danger is at stake wherever you go. But I'm familiar with it because I live with it and that will equip me as I journey life.

I see myself doing lots of things I wish to do, a nomad traveling places from all corners of the world and as my hair turns to grey, my skin wrinkled, my hands and legs are shaking, my sight is blur and a barely audible hearing, I see myself sitting on a warm sofa chair on the balcony of a house on the top of a cliff facing a vast ocean. I am looking on a spot as far as my eyes can see thinking the beautiful memories of the past and also the joys of the last moments of my life. And as I'm about to close my eyes, the last thing I see is the person I love the most and my lips is brimming with smile!

What's With The Name?

Many people in the chat rooms, in forums, in networking sites or other personal sites why I labeled my blogs and frequently used he name bootsguy in these sites. Some people thought I am selling boots, some offered their rainboots and others are annoyed when I constantly bugged them in chatroom with the usual catchphrase I use to look for someone to talk to and share interests and stories. They think it would be silly for me to think of boots, its smell when the feet is choked up in the boots and it perspires it contains germs that cause athlete's foot that stinks like a skunk or a rat, how it is being worn is too heavy and uncomfortable and most of all so unusual and weird for them to hear from someone so engrossed or deify a heavy and thick shoes people don't like to wear and only soldiers, workers, and adventurers would like to slip it on their feet. The main reason why I labeled this blog and myself bootsguy is a description of myself and who I am and what I feel. I know you are still confused and still intrigues of what I am talking. If these days, teenagers are devoted to their emo culture, I could compare myself to its counterpart in Europe - the skinhead. For you to know about skinhead, search wikipedia for skinhead and also to further support your knowledge about it, I would like to quote the site - Recon and Hotboots for the definition and explanation of boots fetishism.